Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein
My Daughter, Ruth
As Boaz is told by his servant overseeing the harvesters that Ruth, a young Moabite girl, has entered his field to harvest grain, he approaches her and says, “Hear me well, my daughter. Do not go to glean in another field, and do not leave here, but stay close to my maidens” (Ruth 2:8). The Midrash explains that Boaz told this to Ruth as the other harvesters had conspired to physically evict her from the field. Believing her to be a Moabite, they were vehemently opposed to her collecting from the field along with Jews. But Boaz reassured Ruth that she had nothing to worry about. She would be safe under his auspices as he was looking after her well-being.
As Ruth heard the kind-hearted words of Boaz, she bowed to the ground and said, “Why have I found favor in your eyes that you should take special note of me even though I am a foreigner?” (ibid. v.10). Herein lays the number one key ingredient in chinuch: noticing a student and giving him or her recognition. When Ruth felt that Boaz was especially looking after her and caring for her, she said, “You have comforted me…you have spoken to the heart of your maidservant…” (ibid. v.13).
How do you console someone who feels left out? When you see a child at risk, how do you open the conversation?
I was once asked by a parent, “What did you do to help my daughter? What is the template? You changed her whole life!” I said to her, “Look in Megillas Ruth. The Pasuk says that Ruth was comforted because Boaz spoke to her heart. He realized that she was special.” The key to parenting and chinuch is to making children feel cared for and special. “Rebbe loves me! Morah loves me!”
But how exactly did Boaz speak to Ruth’s heart? What did he say which so powerfully and effectively made her feel special?
One word – “Biti,” my daughter. Boaz’s opening words to Ruth say it all.
How different would it be if when a parent wished to call over his or her child, they would say, “My daughter, Miriam, come here right now! My son, Chaim, come here right now!” If the same parent would open a conversation with the words, “My daughter,” or “My son,” their feelings would change and their child’s response would likely be positively different.
But why in fact did Boaz give Ruth so much attention? What did he see in her that no one else did?
Boaz realized where she had come from and how much she had given up. She was a female Avraham Avinu. She left her homeland, her birthplace and her father’s house. She gave up everything and loyally clung to Naomi as the two of them journeyed to Eretz Yisrael.
Two people can be looking at the same facts and yet see worlds apart. The young men working on Boaz’s field saw Ruth and said, “She is a Moabite girl!” They negatively focused on Ruth’s past and shunned her for it. That was as far as they saw. But Boaz looked beyond. Boaz focused on Ruth’s positive qualities and noticed how far she had come to develop into who she was today. She was a Moabite princess and gave it all up to join the Jewish people! For the young men, Ruth’s background was something which stained her record; for Boaz, it was the greatest source of admiration and respect. That is the difference between the making of Mashiach and throwing a child over the fence.
I was once speaking to a boy who had been setting aside two minutes to learn every day. But it was for two minutes. Some time later, I again spoke to him and he told me, “Rabbi, you should know that I am now learning ten minutes a day.” Hearing this, I knew that he had improved, but I felt that he could do more.
But then he said something which caught me off guard. “Rabbi, why are you getting so bent out of shape? Look at the percentages. I am now learning five times as much as I was before!”
As he said this, it all of a sudden hit me. I realized how every person deserves to be looked at. You can say, “Ten minutes? Big deal!” Or you can say, “Ten minutes? You are on a mission. You are learning five times more than the last time we spoke. At this rate, if you keep on multiplying your time spent learning by five, you will soon reach a full day of learning! That’s amazing!”
That was how Boaz looked at Ruth. He didn’t see ten minutes; he saw “times five.” He saw how far she had come and thoughtfully addressed her as, “My daughter.” Boaz teaches us the proper way to look at a person, how we are to address them, and what it means to care for someone else when no one else does.