Rabbi Avi Wiesenfeld
Building Homes, Building Families
כל אשר נשאו לבו לקרבה אל המלאכה
Everyone whose heart inspired him to approach the work… (Shemot 36:2)
Living in one apartment above another in Jerusalem were two families. Both blessed to have large families, as the children grew up and reached various milestones, the many happy occasions were always delightfully celebrated. Yet for the family living in the apartment underneath, life wasn’t as easy. As the children became older and reached marriageable age, things seemed to come to a standstill. Few shidduch suggestions were made to the sons and daughters, a sure cause of frustration.
For the family living just above, however, circumstances were quite the opposite. As the children became young adults, they started becoming engaged and getting married one after another. Soon there was a bris, bar mitzvah and wedding with little time in between. The house was a happening place, full of constant visits from married children and relatives. Space was limited and tight, but it was without question a blessing.
One morning, the family living downstairs received a knock on the door. It was the father from the apartment just above. After exchanging greetings, the father asked if he could discuss something for a few minutes. “Baruch Hashem, our family is expanding day by day. As such, we think it is time to build an extension to our apartment. But before we do so, by way of government regulation, we need to ask permission from our neighbors. Would that be okay with you?” The father of the family downstairs paused for a moment. All he could think about was the contrast between their respective families. The neighbor’s family was happily growing and thriving, yet his family seemed to be staying more or less the same and not growing.
Unsure how to respond, the father of the downstairs apartment hemmed and hawed for the next few moments. Although he wished to be a kind and helpful neighbor, he struggled to come to terms with granting permission for such a project which would likely cause him and his family emotional turmoil. And so, the father went about expressing how he felt. “I am very sorry, but I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to do so.” And with that, the father bid his neighbor goodbye and gently closed the door.
When the father shortly afterwards saw his wife, she asked what had happened. “Well, the neighbor above us wants to build an extension to his apartment.” “And so, you allowed him, right?” “No, I told him that I don’t think it is the best idea.” “Why did you say that? I know it may be hard for you to see how well their family is celebrating one simcha after another, but you should overcome that resentment and be a nice neighbor.” Listening to his wife’s advice, the man decided that he would acquiesce to his neighbor’s request.
And so, without further delay, he headed back upstairs. After explaining to the neighbor upstairs that it would be fine if he wished to expand his apartment, the neighbor could not thank the father enough. “Thank you so much for understanding.” But there was one other issue to discuss. “Before you go, if I could just ask you one other favor. Since my apartment is directly above yours, it would be easiest if I could have my workers come through your apartment and organize their equipment on your balcony. Would you mind if they do that?” Now realizing that an even bigger inconvenience would be placed on his family, the father hesitated. But then he reminded himself once again of what his wife had told him. And so, he looked back at the father and said, “That is fine. We would be glad to help you as best as we can.”
At 7 am the next morning, a knock was heard at the front door. Wondering who it could be at such an early hour of the day, the father slowly walked over to the front door and opened up. Standing in front of him were eight broad-shouldered men with construction equipment in their hands. “Hi, we have been sent by your neighbor upstairs. He told us to come down here and set ourselves up.” Now realizing who it was, the father allowed them in and showed them to the balcony despite the early hour.
This process continued for weeks. Day after day, construction was underway with the full blow of noise, hammering and drilling. This was aside from the trudging of the workers in and out of the lower apartment. But the family graciously went along with everything and did all that they could to be of assistance.
And then finally, the day came. All the work was completed. Finishing up with the final touches, the workers thanked the family for all their help and left for good.
Two weeks later, the father of the downstairs apartment received a phone call. It was a shidduch offer for his daughter. Pleasantly surprised, as this was the first suggestion his daughter received in quite a while, the father spoke about the proposed match with her. And in fact, not before long, she became engaged. The family was overjoyed and thrilled.
It was a few days later at the vort that the parents of both the chassan and kallah met for the first time. Yet when the father of the girl took one look at the father of the boy, he looked quite familiar. “Do I know you from somewhere?” “Sure, you do,” replied the boy’s father. “I was the contractor for your neighbor upstairs who built an extension to their apartment.” “That’s right!” enthused the father. “What made you think of my daughter for your son though?” “I’ll tell you,” he replied.
“When I saw you and your family so kindly and graciously open their doors to help a neighbor, I was touched. ‘Here is a family,’ I thought to myself, ‘who thinks outside of themselves and will go to great lengths to help someone else.’ When I saw how much you put yourselves out day after day, I said, ‘This is the type of family I want my son to marry into’ And so it was. Our children got to know each other and today, baruch Hashem, they are chassan and kallah. But it all began by the way you and your family acted with such derech eretz and middos.”
These man’s words say it all. The way we act and relate to others makes the greatest of impressions and speaks louder than anything else. And especially when it is difficult, if we nonetheless make the effort to show our concern for another and open our door, we have taken one small step, yet one giant leap. That gesture and thoughtfulness will begin paving the way for a beautiful life for ourselves and so many others.
