Mrs. Rivka Malka Perlman
From Oregon to Har Sinai
ויהי בשלח פרעה את העם
And it happened when Pharaoh sent out the nation… (Shemot 13:17)
For Sophie who was born and raised as part of a Christian family in Oregon, life was never easy. Told to care for her younger siblings from a very young age, when Sophie turned four, her mother altogether left the family. When that occurred, Sophie single-handedly accepted upon herself even more responsibility. By the time she turned seven, she was doing the entire family’s laundry and caring for all of the other household necessities. But that only covered a small fraction of Sophie’s situation.
Unfortunately, the conditions at home were not the best, to say the least. Not being shown love by her father, Sophie turned to spending as much time as possible in school. School served as Sophie’s safe haven, with her teacher allowing her to arrive early and stay late.
One day, however, Sophie’s brother disclosed the details of the severely unpleasant conditions the children were undergoing. With Sophie’s teacher quickly realizing what exactly was going on, she contacted Child Protective Services. Although a minor investigation was carried out, the fact that Sophie’s father was in the police force only complicated matters. The issue was for the most part overlooked and no improvements were made. And in fact, for the next four years of Sophie’s teenage years, life was fraught with challenges.
Aside from all the turmoil within the house, distress and belittling outside of the house also took place. With her family significantly associated with the local church, Sophie was frequently put down and taunted by its members. Never looking forward to attending church, Sophie would always look to avoid going. But that only carried in its wake harsh consequences.
At this point, Sophie was nineteen. As she was now legally capable of moving in with her uncle, she looked forward to better living conditions. But, in truth, they were not that much better than her father’s home. She was still instructed to oversee her nieces and nephews, wash the dishes and clean the house. After carrying out all these chores, Sophie had little free time to herself. Even her excited plans to attend college were deflated as she was too encumbered with family responsibility.
Continuing to live amid dysfunction and neglect, one day, the tables began to turn. Sophie’s mother returned to Oregon after years of not seeing her family. Reconnecting with her mother, Sophie was met with a surprise she never would have imagined to be true. “I am Jewish,” her mother told her, “and that makes you Jewish.” Not quite sure what it meant to be a Jew, Sophie immediately began researching the matter. She had never before met a Jew and never knew what being Jewish was all about.
It was at that time that I received a message from Sophie. Explaining how she had just discovered she was Jewish, she inquired how she could learn more about her heritage. I encouraged her to connect with someone she could learn Torah with, and arranged for her to study with a woman named Shira, a dedicated kiruv professional in Oregon. Getting together with Shira, Sophie slowly began to learn more about Judaism.
Yet one day, I received a disturbing email from Sophie. She described how her family was averse to her taking strides in Judaism and had been making her life quite miserable. I mentioned that sometimes people are uncomfortable to abrupt changes and take affront, and that she should continue practicing her Judaism quietly while still remaining respectful of her family.
Sophie then wrote back to me, “But I am scared. They are putting pictures of the Holocaust on my bedroom walls. What should I do? Every time I go outside to learn Friday night, my aunt and uncle get upset.” As I read this, I knew that something strange was going on, and told her to call me. After speaking to her briefly, I sensed that her situation was unsafe and that she needed to leave this environment.
Without waiting any longer, I made a number of phone calls in the hope of getting Sophie on a plane out of Oregon. I then asked Sophie if she would be willing to come and stay with me if a plane ticket would be purchased for her. Although I had never personally met her and she had been living in the same place for nineteen years, I knew that now was her time to leave. And she agreed.
She packed her bags and pretended she was going to work as someone drove up to her house, put her suitcases in the car and whisked her away to the airport. She later revealed that she vacillated over and over again as to whether she should in fact leave her home, but after much thought, she picked herself up and left. Showing up at my house with nothing more than just her suitcases, she stepped into a whole new world. She knew deep in her heart that for the time being she could not and would not return home.
During this time, she applied to Jewel, a program in Israel geared for providing girls with an opportunity to learn about their Judaism. After being accepted, she planned on staying at my house for three weeks and then continuing on to Israel. As soon as she arrived at my house, I could tell she was someone very special. She was strong-willed, kind and motivated. Somehow, amidst all the madness and insanity she had experienced, her spirit was preserved. But I knew that one thing she needed was a loving environment. She needed to be surrounded by a warm family who cared about her and could laugh with her. She also needed the opportunity to experience freedom and explore her Judaism. And so, she decided to stay with us a bit longer than planned. And then a bit longer. To say the least, she became a part of our family.
As time progressed and she began learning and growing in her Yiddishkeit, we discovered something quite startling. Although her mother had told her that she was Jewish, examining her ancestry did not bear the same evidence. She in fact was not Jewish. But that did not mean that Sophie was going to give up on her Judaism. She without question possessed a Jewish spark and by now had been meticulously keeping mitzvos and learning Torah for some while.
As of now, Sophie has already visited Israel and gotten to learn about an observant life of Torah and mitzvos. She is now on her way to conversion and entering a new life as a proud observant Jewess.
Sophie, quite literally, experienced her own personal redemption from Egypt. Stuck in a hostile environment, she was beset with challenges again and again. She may never have imagined that she would ever escape from such an intolerable life. But one day, she realized it was time to leave. Not one moment longer was she to remain where she was. With no money and unsure where her next step in life would lead her, she put her past aside and looked toward a brighter future. She has said, “I view my situation as the Jews traveling in the desert. I have not arrived in Israel yet, but one day, I will. Right now, I am undergoing the growth period full of trials and tribulations. I am learning what it means to have freedom and be extricated from my own Egypt.”
Sophie’s entire life has turned around. She is now speaking to other girls who themselves have gone through challenging times. Serving as a source of strength for them, she can relate to those who have similarly experienced trying times. As for Sophie herself, her mere presence is an inspiration aside from her dedication to Yiddishkeit. Her journey is no less of a journey from Egypt to Har Sinai. Undergoing difficult family conditions in Oregon, her travels through life have eventually brought her to today where plans to enter a rich life of Torah and mitzvos.
